dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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