im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
