i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Jerry, you need to find god
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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