Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
did you just send me my own nude
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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