he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
