Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
