it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
