I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
