i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
