i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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