i already hear my dad disowning me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
