you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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