I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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