I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
