sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
