i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
