Your face is a jimmy john
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize