I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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