You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
