He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
