I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
