i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
