OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize