Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize