Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
