sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
