Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
