just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize