He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
