I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
