The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
