I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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