Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
