Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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