plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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