There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize