I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We are all done wearing pants today
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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