you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
A+ Viking dick
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
