Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize