I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
