To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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