Nicole vs. Life
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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