super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
