Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
