he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
