I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
