You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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