Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
