Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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