Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
