Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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