I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
