i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
