Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We have started to decorate penises.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
