I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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