just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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