I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
