i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
