so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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