Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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