Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
