Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
