My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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