She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
