I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
