all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
