Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
