What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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