i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
