I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you had me at cake vodka
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
