What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
