ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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